I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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