i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
