Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize