11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
