You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
