We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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