i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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