he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize