nutella sex= disaster
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize