You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
