We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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