Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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