Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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