Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
