Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
