At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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