Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
