doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize