We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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