i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
