I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
