As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
