it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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