yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
