There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
