filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
