This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
