You work out of a Hotel?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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