It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
