My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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