Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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