dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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