she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
