I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Less talking, more tequila
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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