i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
