Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i've created a new STD.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize