I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
