I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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