she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
