Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize