sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
