please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
