by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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