you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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