Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize