she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i came on her dog
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
