Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
