I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
