The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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