70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
