So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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