i always forget guys have bellybuttons
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
