yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
