i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
