Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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