He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize