New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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