If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
