My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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