Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you traded sex for a burrito?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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