where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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