Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
only if we run a train.
done.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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