It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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