I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
