He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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