My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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