I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize