We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
