I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my sisters under your porch take her home
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize