Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
