oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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