We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
