This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize