Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
