Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She bit a glass in half.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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