Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You were trust falling into bushes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize