Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
