Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
