the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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