life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
