your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
