so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
