Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
