this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
