Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
