i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Randomize
