At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
