Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
