Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize