does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
