was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
