I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
