nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
