don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
