If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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