What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
