it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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