sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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