Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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