Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
