I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize