I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
