Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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