for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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