She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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