I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize