I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
