The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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