You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize